The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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