i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
