if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They are going to name an STD after you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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