One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My liver just broke up with me...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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