i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
