Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
