Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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