its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
