one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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