her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
