Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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