Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
