You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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