All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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