Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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