dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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