I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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