pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
