she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.