I am in a vortex of obligation.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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