I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she peed on how many people?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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