i'm signing you up for texting rehab
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"