you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We have so much sex to catch up on
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line