Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?