Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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