im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
