I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
a search helicopter?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
