Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...