Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"