I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
