I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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