As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
