My hand turned me down
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
