I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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