Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
