i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
