i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
