Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
