You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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