You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
