If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
