True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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