You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
