Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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