my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
not ubering you a puppy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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