I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
