Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
