the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
