I just saw a hot homeless man
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
