i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
