i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
