if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
