Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
