What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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