he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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