do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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