I wannas sexs uuuuu
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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