matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Pooping to opera.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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