just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
