One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
