Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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