speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
