i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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