um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
