some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
