the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
