what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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