YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
