You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
