Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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