I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
