Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
