Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
