I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
