I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
