The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
