weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
