and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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