you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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