I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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