Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
