i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
