Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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