If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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