I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
