Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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