After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
