my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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