Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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