His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
