Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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